Preview of the last few days spent staying in a cottage, traipsing through dense forestry, and avoiding falling in a lake in extremely rural Hampshire shooting a music video with a 5D MKII for Apollo with the crew;
Edward Burtynsky - Oil
at the Photographer’s Gallery yesterday, documenting the effects of oil on humanity from extraction to consumption. Really breathtaking life work, some of the most complex technically correct work I’ve ever seen however I found it’s sinister underpinnings not quite profound enough for me, verging on Exon advertising. Some of it was reminiscent of colour masters such as William Eggleston but I doubt Burtynsky was aware of this, so parallel to shooting these mass digital explosions of stimuli.
Defintely worth a visit though.
Kinda disappointed that you weren’t there last night and I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye/congrats/good luck.
The truth is I know I still love you like I did a long time ago. You’re just not around anymore. Which might make complete sense.
We’re both certainly amongst the proudest of people but it doesn’t stop you wondering what life would be like if you were given a second chance with your first love and sometimes its frustrating because you wish you could go back a couple of years just knowing what you know now.
If I’ve learnt anything from this is how to love someone. It’s something that I learnt after all the ups and downs I put myself through, just laying myself on the table, spreading myself so thinly that I almost cracked. Ive also learnt a lot from meeting new people in long term relationships, seeing their ins and outs.
We were never too good at that stuff. We were really young and it was brand new and looking back on it, an objective relationship free of social connotations which was innocent and nice, and irreplaceable.
It’s not that I’m searching for a replacement or even need one, I don’t believe its something that I can replace so I just live with that. I haven’t really put myself out there and don’t think I will just yet, maybe in third year. It’s just that I wonder why this lingers so heavily, why you’re still always on my mind.
The idea of being in a relationship right now disturbs me because I totally couldn’t imagine it and probably couldn’t commit time to it either. It also means you’re on a polar opposite wavelength to me right now, an unimaginable inversion of our sense of self. It doesn’t feel ‘me’ right now. It feels so 18 months ago.
But I guess I’m brought back here because last night marked the end of an era, the end of those drunken childish nights meeting up with a boy I saw in a gallery and waking up with him in my bed. That boy who ended up waking up in my bed for the next year or so. It’s also significant that the beginning of this summer is the next summer I’ve really had since 2010, reminding me of those hazy days we would wear shorts and do nothing.
